The royal wedding is almost among us!!!!!!!!

Why does anyone give a fuck about the royal wedding? They are just two human beings having a fucking wedding. Everyone does it, who gives a shit. 


Apparently Australian's do???!!! Every fucking time I move my eyeballs in another direction I am bombarded with this horse shit!!


What will she wear? Who will be on the guest list? Where will they honeymoon? How many tits is she gonna flop out? How this is even remotely interesting to anyone is beyond my small brains comprehension.


I'm sorry, I just can't see the point in making this the story of the century. Give it a mention, ok, fine, I can deal with that but front page top story headlines for two weeks? Fuck my face off.


Anyone who is interested in this shit is a deadshit, kill yourself, you are wasting my air. How is this wedding going to add to your life? If you answered more than zero in your tiny pea dick head.... Fuck you.


Get a fucking life.

Do you feel like you've lost your soul after doing this?

I don't know why I do this, but I do, and after I've done it, I'm left feeling dead inside.

What could I be doing to leave me in such a state?

LAUGHING SYMPATHETICALLY AT UNFUNNY PEOPLES JOKES

What does this achieve you wonder?

Well, nothing positive.

A dipshit will come up to me and say hello, I'll greet them and have a quick chat about their day bla bla dick. They then feel the need to try and say something funny.... This is where it all turns to shit. I'm talking about the retards who you don't consider a friend, but think you like them at least enough to bare their attempts at humor.

They hit you with one of their pathetic jokes and what do you do? It's so shit I feel like telling them to stop breathing, but instead I laugh..... I laugh convincingly too!

I don't entirely understand why I feel the need to give unfunny morons sympathy laughs but I do it and it makes my balls hurt. Now some may think this is just being polite, which it is. One problem I have with it all is the fact that once you give someone that first fake laugh, you open the floodgates for years of painful fucking retard jokes which you also will have to laugh at to continue on the niceness!

I want to stab them in the groin with a blunt object. It can't just be me who has encountered this shit. This is a disease....

And it must be stopped!!!



- Posted by me

Holy shit it has been a while.... But why you say, WHY!!?

Don't give a fuck that's why.

- Posted by me

BULLSHIT

Ok so I'm at work as I write this. Looking at the retard that just came in to do a freelance shift. A few minutes into the day he notices im wearing a soccer jersey, he announces that he is a massive soccer fan, watches it ALL THE TIME.

Last nights Prem League match highlights come on the telly. He sees a goal scored by Man Utd and then acts as if he was all excited about how awesome the goal was, and in fairness it was a nice goal. One problem. He referred to the goal..... as a fucking TRY. Yes. A TRY. As in the rugby try.

All credibility that he had (not much) is now gone. He has, however taught me a valuable lesson about bullshit.
If your gonna do it. don't get caught, or you really look like a fucking moron.

THERES ALWAYS ONE

Every fuckin job ive ever had, every single one, ive had a blast. Whether it be from cooking chicken at the local KFC, to directing news bulletins, I've had a blast. There's just one thing that plagues my near perfect fun times at work, its the fucking one cunt that everyone hates but for some reason wont leave.

You know the one I'm talking about right? He/she is the fucking moron who talks too much about what they know. The one who is socially retarded in every way. The one who hears a joke made by a coworker and then repeats it 45 mins later, still in the presence of that very same coworker. The one who thinks they know best at all times. The one who everyone wants to secretly kill behind their back.

Why is there a fucking dead shit in every workplace? What is it about these people that they can a) get hired in the first place and b) don't get fired. Well usually these people are pretty decent at their job. Despite the fact they are universally and  obliviously hated, they still keep punching on. These people usually are very bad at reading cues, for example they try to talk to you, you answer quickly, your body is turning away you clearly want to get away, they keep going and going and going.

They have terrible people skills. They are usually very self centred and only really ask questions about you to set up their own gloat sesh. Do you have people like this in your workplace? 


if so, please let me know how to get rid of them. NOW    

THE INVENTION OF LYING (movie) IS FUCKING SHIT BUT......

Ok so my movie viewing isn't what it used to be, namely because of the horse shit that has been on show for the better part of the last 7 years. Maybe sin city was truly the best and last movie Ive seen for about 5 years. 


So, I watched The invention of lying last night and it was horrifically terrible ricky Gervais is brilliant in his shows but his films have left a lot to be desired and this film is no different. It was not funny at all. The world in which no one could lie was terribly set up and no comedy came from anyone telling the truth. bla bla bla the film was shit. 


But... one thing that I Fucking loved!!!!! and has lifted the films score from zero to about a 6 or 7, is the fact that religion is fuckin dragged through the dirt, BOOM!!


Ricky gervais in the film, in order to make people feel happy, in the film tells them all that there is a man in the sky who does good and bad things bla bla bla. Basically touting religion as a lie. FUCK YES I love that shit. MUCH RESPECT FOR MAKING GOD THE BUT OF A FUCKING JOKE FOR ONCE well done sir. 


Apart from that hilarity, the film is a complete waste of time. 


6.5  for god bashing
1.1  without

ARE YOU POPULAR...?

Popularity is more important than hard slog labor. do you work your arse off? Are you sweating over the deadlines whilst others cruise on by? There is a reason for this, it's because the individuals at work with better charisma charm and people skills are always Going to have a better chance at getting ahead than Joe hard slog no personality. 


Why? 


People, all people, whether they are a superior or just a co-worker want to be entertained, they too want to enjoy the working day. By associating with the fun easy going individuals, others enjoy their work day more. These individuals make work worth turning up for, and are a bonus to have in any company.

Just remember getting good at your job is only half the battle. Being socially inept will see you lose out time and time again. Are you making the workplace come alive? If not, you may just be setting yourself up for mass progress halt.

HAVENT POSTED IN A WHILE....WHY?

I don't give a fuck. 

Thats why. 
 

Beware the bringer of gifts

I am constantly surprised by the number of people who feel it necessary to bring in food and sweets for other people at work. Why do they do this? Why do they feel the need to bring in shit for us to consume, can we not feed ourselves, are they just being nice? I have a better explanation. 

Anyone who constantly gives gifts or brings in sweets and or other goods for their workmates, is the loser of the office. I say office, but I refer to any workplace. These are the people that are usually fat. They have very low levels of self esteem and the only way they think they are going to win friends is by giving away food and sweets and so on. 

There is generosity yes, but generosity comes from a different place. Generosity is spontaneous, it is circumstantial kindness when help is needed. Gift giving is almost like calculated murder. You plan to give the gifts, so you can gain friendship in return. 

Have a think about the types of people you know to be over givers. I think you will be shocked at how lacking in friends these people are...

STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD

Treat your boss like one of your mates if not less.


I find that in all my working life I have had excellent rapport with my bosses. Some to the extent where I really should have been fired many times over but due to our friendship, my laziness and work flaws were magically overlooked.


From about month number one into a job I find it completely fine to start addressing your boss as mate or as I like to use, 'young man'. This is friendly and subtly lets the boss know that you wont be intimidated by his position.


I also love to use the 'here's trouble' line whenever I see a superior. They secretly love to be thought of as cool and mischievous even if they clearly are not. Theres a whole range of situations like these that you can exploit and in turn stand out from the crowd of scared little sheep that make up your workspace.


Most people are boring, theres no doubt about it so it wont be too difficult to stand out in such a world. Doing things that subordinates usually wouldn't do (don't overdo it) will get you a step ahead of joe boring who sits at his desk for 10 hours and says nothing.


Are you a stand out at work?
or are you the 99%?


note:
If your boss happens to be like Ricky Gervais, you wont even need to be his mate, you'll already have the upper hand on that stupid son of a bitch.